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Hello and welcome back.
I'm Susan Raines,
and today, I'm going
to share with you some
of my conflict
resolution mantras.
These are very hard
won lessons from
many years of negotiating
with organizations,
international financial
institutions,
Fortune 500 companies,
as well as the everyday
negotiations we have in
our lives with our friends,
neighbors, family, etc.
But these are things
that I've gathered
I want to share with you,
these are basically
quick tricks for
less drama and more joy in
your work and in your life.
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So my most used mantra
is that behavior
continues as long
as it is working.
A corollary to that is that
we never want to
reward bad behavior.
Again, this is not being
a difficult person.
It's that when we reward
negative behavior,
we assure that it will continue,
and we deny that person
the opportunity to
learn and grow.
I think about this as a
parent and as a boss,
there are a lot of
similarities here.
Or even when you're managing up.
If your boss is asking you
to work off the clock,
so you're being asked to
work during your lunch hour,
on your vacation,
on the weekend,
but that is not part of
your expected job duties
as laid out in your
employment contract.
Then answering those emails
expeditiously on the
weekend is rewarding
negative behavior, and it's a
little bit conflict-avoidant
because you're not having
that needed conversation
with your boss.
So we have to be thoughtful.
Sometimes we choose to reward
negative behavior because
we're just in a hurry,
and I can bend down and tie
my kids' shoes rather than
teach him how to tie them
sometimes or whatever.
Something quick, because
it's expeditious,
but we need to be aware
of what we're doing.
So, some common
negotiation bad behaviors
would be things
like a power play,
where someone comes in
and they have a lot of swagger,
and they act like
they're so important.
They name-drop those
kinds of things.
That's obnoxious, but it can
also be crossing a line into
bullying or
inappropriate behavior,
so we have to set some
good boundaries and just
make sure that negative
behaviors are not working.
Backtracking in a negotiation
is when someone makes
an offer and the other
side agrees to it,
and then the side that
made the offer says,
"Oh gosh, they agreed
to that too soon.
So instead of offering 100000,
I'm going to go back
and ask for 120."
That is negative behavior.
It's very important to
label that behavior
and call people on it.
Just call it and say, "Hey,
that looks like backtracking,
which really is not appropriate
in this negotiation.
It's not helpful to our
business relationship.
Let's try that again.
Let's discuss that."
Hiding truths or outright
falsehoods, again, not helpful.
Now you can do all of this
without judgment, just say,
"Well, it has come
to my attention
that this thing has happened,
can you please let me know
if these facts are correct
from your perspective.
If so, what are we going
to do going forward?
How do we fix that?"
But it's important,
again, to not make sure
someone is using false
information to get
their goals accomplished
in a negotiation
without having to be
accountable for that.
As we move on, I want to mention
